I am learning that to
understand another society, one must understand that even the most universal
assumptions a person can make about manners can often be entirely false or even
the opposite. Good manners in one society can often be seen as bad manners in another. For
example, among traditional English society, when a woman walks into the room the men
stand up. In Shona society, when a man
enters the room, the women stand up. (To clarify, though I refer to English custom a few times here, the
white locals in my country are mostly no longer English, but many still
maintain many of the cultural practices that were brought here by the English.)
Here are some other
manner-related tidbits we’ve picked up on in our time with the Shona:
-When someone receives
a gift, they clap both hands in thanks and then receive the gift with both hands. This gesture says the gift is too great
to be received with one hand only. We see this
mannerism all the time, especially among children. The gesture often replaces words of thanks,
so a person often does a double clap and receives silently. This has become a personal habit of mine during
my time here, as well, and I often wonder how long it will take me to lose this
automatic tendency after I leave!
-A person can also say thank you by merely clapping their hands
three times. Women do this with right hand over left and men do this with finger tips together.
-The Shona greatly value respect. One of the ways of commanding respect and
giving respect is to use the plural form of
a verb or pronoun when addressing someone.
-In English custom, it
is impolite NOT to look someone in the eye when talking to them. In Shona custom, it is impolite to look
someone in the eye. This habit varies slightly from rural areas to urban
areas. In areas with a slightly higher
white population, Shona used to dealing with whites have often changed their
habits.
-In Shona custom the hand-shake is weak and limp, which feels the
opposite of Western culture, in which a strong handshake can often be more
respected.
-Before and after
eating a meal, it is customary to wash hands.
The traditional way is for a young maiden to bring a basin of water to
the guests to wash their hands. The
modern version of this custom involves pouring water from a jug over guests’ hands as you wash them, with a basin placed
in such a way as to catch the dripping water. (Soap is never included and the amount of water is small, so the
gesture feels much more symbolic to me than hygienic.)
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| Here friend Laura washes her hands before our tea time. |
-The traditional way of
eating sadza and relish is with the hands, hence the need to wash after eating. After meals, a wife or daughter (not allowed to be
higher than her sitting husband or father) comes into the room on her knees
while carrying a container of washing water on her head. Then the same hand-washing ritual is
followed.
-Men eat separately
from women, and are served by the women.
It is bad manners to leave the plate or
table before
the older men have done so.
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| Here at an outing, we women sit on the ground to stay lower than the men, while the men sit in chairs in a group to the side. |